badbadzoot's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think I need to change my background... another day another dollar! well not really, I don't work, but! I play poker! And last night I won $80! woo hoo! Las Vegas here I come! meh. I won second place, it was the first time I made it to the final table let alone Heads Up in this poker club I started playing at with the Mom-In-Law. We play Texas Hold 'Em. I'm a pretty mediocre player, good enough to play with the big dogs but am not versed in all the more detailed rules. Mom-In-Law usually (ALWAYS) pays my way in cuz I'm poor like that. She just wants to see me out of the house, and I appreciate it. So I go with her once a week- as long as she has the extra money. Its fun, a nice comfortable crowd. No one really there my age, but still, they make me feel welcome. I really do need to get out and join some kind of mommy's club at a community center or church... I've been told this by every mommy I know! And I do appreciate all the advice. Sometimes I still feel like a kid at heart because I still act so shy around new people. Meeting new people is so out of my element, I'm easy to talk to and easy to get along with, its just I find the first moments so awkward. Over time its gotten easier for me, but now that I'm pretty much a hermit with my son I feel petrified doing anything else! I'm lazy too so that doesn't really help. HEY! Tomorrow is my birthday! So thats something to be happy about, right?! My last year of my twenties. Oi vey. I really don't feel like I'm almost 30. It's kinda weird. Every year that goes by age just becomes a number. As a kid age defines you somehow: "oh well I'm 13! Which means I can wear make up and shave my legs!". Then when you're 18 (in America) you say: "I'm 18! I can buy cigarettes and can be drafted into the army!" What do you say when you're 29? "oh well I'm 29 and I can..... sign up for a retirement plan??" Daily I have to choose to be happy and to not be aggravated at the most stupidest things ever. I think too much, and that is dangerous for ANYONE to think TOO much, cuz human beings get into lots of trouble when they think too much. I'm feeling pretty ok right now. Working out the prescription thing, hoping to start my meds soon, getting lots of help from friends and family. Feeling quite blessed there. For some reason I'm really cold. I turned on a space heater and its now 78 degrees (F) in here and I'm under a comforter. Hmmmm. It doesn't help that I have no body fat on me. I lost some weight again and am balancing around 100 pounds. That does not make me happy. I hate being skinny. I really do. My clothes don't fit right. I look like a cancer patient. People look at me funny. Sometimes those looks are of envy because I'm so freaking skinny. But seriously. Being skinny sucks. Mainly because I'm NOT HEALTHY. People associate being skinny with being healthy and that is not entirely true. You know, back in the dark ages, fat equalled beauty because people knew you were FED and healthy. Now its the other way around? Not being fed is beautiful and healthy? *sigh* I'm going to finish watching this cake show and maybe go to bed...... loves to all xoxo 8:55 p.m. - 2009-11-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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