badbadzoot's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- back from whatever sabbatical I was on... well damn. hadn't planned to be away for this long. Seems like I enjoy taking yearly vacations er something. Hopefully my buddies still write on here and still would like to check up on me, cuz I need reassurance. I don't usually fish for compliments or pity, quite frankly I don't want anyone's sympathy or pity, cuz shit happens everyday and life isn't fair. But I need to know that others are going through the same shit and are somehow surviving it. so let's get this party started. (and for anyone reading my diary for the first time, I like to make bad grammar errors, so any grammar nazis out there can just ignore the mistakes.... I've aced English classes, I do know what I'm doing...) to put it plainly I am at my wits end. My Son is going to be One Years Old in 23 days. I can't believe it. Time seems to fly by when you get to be an old kook. Well I'm not That Old, but I do feel it sometimes. 98% of the time to be exact. Hell I'm not even 30 yet. I will be 29 in 20 days. HOLY SHIT. My last year of my twenties. Who woulda thunk it. I have come accustomed to swearing in my head a lot lately, and it may come out in my writing. I don't like to swear, but I do sometimes, but recently The F Word has become acquainted with my tongue. I don't like for my son to hear it, but I'm growing more and more anxious every day. I have nowhere or no one to unload on. Mr. B (my hubby) is good enough to talk to, but a lot of times I hurt his frail male ego, and since males have fragile egos to begin with- Mr. B is an emotional guy on top of that. So I'm screwed when I'm trying to lay down my feelings on stuff. I haven't worked in almost three years. The Therapeutic Foster Parenting was a job in itself with paperwork and having a foster child in the home, but I was home all the time, it wasn't "work" work. I like being a housewife and mother well enough, but I feel like I'm missing a piece of myself. Like it was lost somewhere along the messy road that is my life. I'm pursuing my Masters Degree for pete's sake and I really do not have anything to show for it. I'm not working at some fancy firm coming up with witty slogans and taglines and cutesy logos. I'm not really doing anything but taking care of my husband and son. (Cuz we women know men really can't take care of themselves) On top of all this my little family has relocated to a different state in these Great United States *guffaw* where I know absolutely no one except for my in-laws in which, since before moving had only met twice. I still know absolutely nobody except for friends of my mother-in-law's. We only have one car, so when Mr. B is working, I'm stuck at home. Even still, we are ass poor and it always costs money to do anything outside the home (gas costs money!) so I never go anywhere even if I do have the car. AND EVEN SO! The Crohn's Disease has decided to Rear Its Ugly Head towards my bottom and wreak some more havoc upon my insides. I had been in remission for almost five years, Thank God, because I haven't had insurance. When we moved to Kansas and Mr. B got a pretty sweet job we decided to buy me some private insurance. Just in time! Because I really didn't want to deal with the whole "preexisting condition" and now the Obama Healthcare plan wants to ban insurance companies from denying coverage to people like me... yet I hear that people who have chronic illnesses (such as this disease and CANCER) would have to wait six months before receiving treatment for whatever reasons... making sure people don't drop their insurance for the cheaper gov't insurance. OH ITS A BUNCH OF HORSESHIT. I'll get off the politics now. I really hate discussing politics. BACK TO MY PROBLEMS! I feel like I'm in a cage. My son is getting sick of seeing my face everyday. And I am getting easily annoyed with him. You know how you spend way too much time with one person and they start to irk you? Well yes, it can happen with your children too. I don't feel guilty feeling the way I do, so any moms out there who are all like "OH MY GAWD YOU CAN'T STAND BEING AROUND YOUR SON YOU ARE A HORRRRRIBLE MOTHER!!!". Kiss my ass. I love my son to the very end and wouldn't trade him for the world. Whenever I am about to lose my mind he always does something to make me laugh. But damn this mom thing is friggin hard. Especially when they are young and not talking and all they know how to do is grunt and whine and growl their needs at you. Man that is annoying. I'm especially cranky because I've been having symptoms from this Damned Disease for over a month now and can't get my prescriptions cuz I can't afford them. I had to get one of the cheaper health plans and my plan only covers 50% of the cost of scrips. The one drug I have to take is $500. Which means I have to pay $250. And that is only for one months worth. How bout I just start pulling money out of my ass? %&^^#$@#@ STUPID DRUG COMPANIES. Did I mention I'm supposed to be on two other prescriptions on top of the aforementioned? I've been researching prescription assistance programs, but I'm not really confident anyone will help me. SO I WILL JUST CURL UP AND DIE ALREADY SINCE AMERICA HATES SICK PEOPLE. hahahahahahhahaaaaaaa. I don't really feel that way. It's hard to translate sarcasm into written words. Well hell this thing is getting long and I have pudding waiting for me to eat it. So I'm going to go. Eat some food. K. Hope to hear from you D-landers! I have missed you soooooo much! RANDOM FACT ABOUT ZOOT: 8:13 p.m. - 2009-11-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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