badbadzoot's Diaryland Diary


the suspense is over, even though you KNEW ALL ALONG!!!


That last entry was kind of weird, and I'm sorry to those whom I left in suspense!

Many of you have already guessed why I've been a bad girl, but I'm choosing to talk about it anyway. Because dang it, this is my diary and I need to document the important events that happen in my life!


I'm not a virgin anymore!

Shall we have a party to celebrate?

It has been a strange experience so far, well because I'm not used to having "things" shoved up my vagina (my four year old foster sister, Wild Thang, calls it her "oompa loompa", I have no idea why...).

I remember my first trip to the gynecologist, boy, that was not fun.

And this was purely a decision made by myself weeks ago after much thought and consideration. Mr. B did not coerce me or use that old line "if you love me you will". He was totally respectful and understanding through all of this.

As a child, even in a non-christian home, I was taught to save my virginity for marriage. When my mother and step-father married (I was 13) it was ingrained into my brain even further when they became "full-time" christians.

I say "full-time" because they are not pretending, they are not just saying "I believe in God" just to say "I believe in God" to follow a crowd. They read their bibles and follow His Word very carefully. They are not quick to make passing judgements or assumptions. They are very level-headed and grounded people. And I admire everything about them for that. They are not "those" christians who will not speak to you just because you believe differently. They are not "those" who will not help just because you may have offended them with your opinion. They truly and honestly love everyone for who they are.

Sure they get pissed off at people sometimes and even cuss about it, BUT! They know what they believe and they are not afraid to show it!

With that, I was always a firm believer on saving myself until my wedding night. I always knew the first time would be painful, but I didn't know, you know? And I never fully understood how teenagers could just throw that away and give it up to just any joe on the street. It used to actually disgust me, because I never wanted my first time to be with some pimply faced greasy haired high school boy and then have him slander my name all over the school. So I kept myself very well guarded...

As an adult I still wanted to keep myself "intact" until marriage because I was afraid of STD's and I didn't want to share or be shared with tons of other people. Because I thought of it this way, if I have a one night stand with Joe Schmoe, and he's slept with a ton of other girls, and those girls have slept with other guys and so on and so forth I feel like I'm having sex with everyone on the planet!!

It's a silly thought, yes, but it kept me from getting into trouble! Because let's face it, I'm a human being with the same feelings and hormones as any other girl and sex sure does look like fun.

So the "act" actually happened some weeks ago, and Mr. B was really sweet through this whole ordeal, because we started out slowly, gradually, getting myself *ahem* "used" to it.

It's funny, because he would ask me in a really sweet voice, "are you sore?"
"not really"
"because I'm game if you are!"

Heh. He's always game, ya know??!!

I really wanted this before my wedding night, because I had corresponded with Moo about this, and we both agree your wedding night is supposed to be a special, magical night that is pleasurable and not painful or stressful because it's someone's first time! And I don't like the thought of bleeding over someone else's sheets... ick.

I'm still a believer in saving yourself until marriage, but the parameters have changed a bit for me. I suggest that you wait until you've got a ring on your finger to start practicing!!

So you young girls who are reading, if you haven't already, wait until that special guy gives you a ring and you know for sure you will be with him forever. Because that will be special for you and him. Sex is a very intimate thing between two people and it should be valued. I know a certain badass who really values sex on a whole different level! haha! But once you are adults, you will be allowed to make those "adult" decisions!

After the whole "popping of the cherry" so-to-speak, I haven't felt much different, but I feel totally different in my feelings towards Mr. B. Not only am I attached to him emotionally, I'm now attached to him physically. He has a part of me that I wanted only him to have. And I hope he realizes that.

I think I'm done rambling about this whole subject, take the news as you will, I know you still love me!


I don't think I can say "I need a spanking" quite so innocently anymore.....

1:05 p.m. - 2006-05-24


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