badbadzoot's Diaryland Diary


these are the days of Zoot's life....


So I kind of killed the competition on warcrygirl's contest for the button! ha ha! You love me! You really love me! *sob sob*.

Alright, enough of that sappy horse hocky.

Let's get down to business.

I haven't like, posted a friggin entry in days, so I owe you all a reeeeeaaalll good one!





I don't know where to begin.

Work has been busy busy busy and I've been busy with school handing in projects and junk. How freaking exciting. And I've got one major honker of a zit forming on my chin. I think I did that to myself with all the stress I'm putting myself under. I also need to stop resting my chin in my hand. That may have something to do with it also.....

Yes, yes, yes, Zoot has been stressing out for no good reason. Well, the reasons are good, but it's not worth stressing out over. My mom believes that too much stress is what gave me the Crohn's Disease in the first place. Ugh. Stress. Go to &^%$#!!!!

The one major stress that's freaking me out is money. Money money money. Whoever created money needs to just die. Oh wait- they are already dead. Well then they need to rot in their freaking casket or hole or whatever they were buried in. Oh wait- they probably are already fully rotted. WELL THEN THEY JUST NEED TO KISS MY ASSSSS!!!!!!

I'm upset.

Just a little teensy bit.

I have faith that I will be fine. But my little hamster that turns the wheel in my brain says "What the hell is your problem? You've got $800 of credit card debt you can't seem to pay off, $2,000 of hospital debt that you're just paying pennies on a month, your electric bill is a month late, as well as your phone bill, and you're racking up $60,000 worth of educational debt.... GET WITH IT WOMAN AND START FREAKING OUT!!!!" And then I say, "Lookee here you little rat, I've never been evicted from anyplace, none of my utilities has EVER been turned off and creditors have finally figured out that I won't answer their calls.... so TAKE A HIKE ALREADY AND GET BACK ON THAT DAMN WHEEL AND TURN IT BABY!".

So there.

Strike one for that dammed hamster.

But now that Mr. B is living with me and we are "sharing" junk, it's proving to be a tad difficult. And that is what is giving me all the stress. For one, he keeps referring to the bills as "my bills" - not "our bills". I don't expect him to pay on my credit cards or hospital bill or anything like that. But the utilities, those are O-U-R-S. Last night he realized he needs to stop referring to them as "my bills", but I think because everything is in my name that his mouth just automatically spits that freaking phrase out.

The electric bill and the home phone bill is late. Late late late. And he freaked out a bit over them. I reminded him that I couldn't pay the electric bill last month because "someone" (meaning him) went over the 10 hour internet limit on my computer which cost me $50. The problem there was that I have that bill electronically debited out of my account, and it's $9.95 every month. But since he went over my internet limit- they charged me $50 and I wasn't expecting that and ended up bouncing 5 checks which cost me $170. He quickly shut up.
I have since changed my internet to unlimited hours and he said he would pay the difference.

On top of that- Mr. B has stated over and over again that he is deathly afraid of debt. He doesn't like it. He has absolutely no credit because he hates being in debt. I've explained that the only way to get a friggin loan in America is to owe other people money. That's just the way it works. So he was freaking out this morning over the phone about the late bills and he just kept repeating that he hates debt and why are those bills so much and where did that charge come from, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Which made me feel like shit. I don't know why, it just did. It made me feel like shit because I made bad credit decisions when I was his age (listen to me: "when I was his age"... good grief) and I'm still paying for it, and somehow he just made me feel inferior. I know he didn't mean to. He's male, he says things before thinking. Whereas my hamster talks too much, his hamster is mute.

I'm at work, so I didn't get into the whole "how that makes me feel" spiel. But he's sure to get it when he gets home from work tonight.

I've been thinking and thinking and thinking and here is my conclusion, whether I like it or not, I have to get a part-time job. I can't make ends meet, especially when I work for peanuts at a job that is an hour's drive away from my home (and that's only one way). I really don't want one, especially with me just returning to school. But I have no choice. I will have to make it work. I know I can make it work, I'm a pretty determined person. When I have my mind made up, it will get done. Plus- we need extra money to start saving for our freaking wedding in September. Oh joy of joys!

I have applied for another graphic design position at a hospital that is a mile away from my house! Keep your fingers crossed! They would start me out at $18-$20 an hour! whoopeee! That is at least $6 more than what I make now! And I won't have to spend $60 a week in gas! Awesomeness! I will be pestering them until they hire me... I'm sure I would get awesome health benefits....

And for my part-time job, I may either return to retail, or waitressing. I would rather waitress. If I find a really good restaurant that makes mucho monies, I could bring home in two days what Mr. B brings home in a week. I haven't waitressed in forever, so that will be a rough change for me. I'm totally out of shape. I'm not as strong as I used to be, but waitressing will definitely get my strength back.

So that is that. You have just taken a tour of the inside of my friggin head. How was it? Was it as good for you as it was for me? ha ha ha.

Anyone got a cigarette?

Who am I kidding... I don't smoke....

1:02 p.m. - 2006-02-27


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